This Saturday marks 16 years since my son, Harper, passed away.
It's always a tough week leading into this day, and if I'm honest, I still never quite know how it's going to hit me.
Over the years though, I've completely changed my relationship with this day. I think that's because I stopped trying to grieve the way I thought I should, or the way society expected me to, and started making it my own.
I made a conscious decision to feel whatever needed to be felt. To talk about Harper. To celebrate him. To cry when the tears came. To laugh out loud when the moment hits. To let all of it in.
And I'm really fucking proud of that. I'm proud of the decisions I've made, and the man I'm continuing to become.
I love the conversations I get to have every day. I love that I take care of my body. I love the relationship I'm building with my kids and how much I care about being a great father. I love that kindness has become one of my strengths. I love that I can say no when I need to. I love that I can apologize without excuses. I love that I communicate better than I ever used to. I love that I've found purpose, and the meaning that's brought to my life. I love that I'm stronger, physically, mentally and emotionally. I love that I'm still curious. I love intimacy just as much as sex. I love that I don't feel the need to perform for anyone anymore. I love that I'm loyal, dependable and present. I love that I've learned to pause before reacting. And I love that I'm still a student, always learning and growing.
Most of these things are new for me. And I have Harper to thank for this.
Losing him eventually became the reason for creating the life and the man I'd always wanted to become. He continues to inspire me to keep fighting for what's important, to see the good in myself first, and to show up better for the people I love.
This group is a huge part of that journey. It's something I'd wanted to start for years but was scared to do.
So, if you read these each week, thank you. If you come along on Saturday mornings, train together, then stick around afterwards to chat about life, thank you.
And if you've been curious about joining us but have been a little unsure or nervous, I'd love for you to come. Just a group of normal but exceptional men that want to be better for themselves and those they care for.
Thanks, as always.